I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
