he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
