I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i wish my penis had a tongue
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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