You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize