Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
