I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
