Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
