I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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