I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
