Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
