Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
