Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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