I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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