Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
