eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
