i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
