I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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