why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
