I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize