we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
