I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
