I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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