you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize