How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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