College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Help me help you realize you are a moron
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
These tits shall not be calmed
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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