i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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