I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize