So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
