Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
