I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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