I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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