I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize