I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
