theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you had me at cake vodka
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
