And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
