Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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