I wish I could punch you in the face.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
