Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
