flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
