i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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