Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
A bitchslap is in order.
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