I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize