is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You are the jesus of drinking
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
