nut hugger
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
