they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
