Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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