Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
