i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
