There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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