i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
