I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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