I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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