I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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