I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
