Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
should my penis look like a turkey
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
