While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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