she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
