Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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