I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
