they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
