Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
