he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
