I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
