I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
her vagine was all disorganized.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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