if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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