Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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