im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
