just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
