remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
