If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
