shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
