you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize