I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
