Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
