i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
