at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
