I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize