and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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