cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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