Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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