roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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