I just saw a hot homeless man
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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