he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
