Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
