I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
