Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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