WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
